


Skin Deep

by rosaleendhu



Category: Weiss Kreuz
Genre: First Time (Kind of), Genderswap, Handcuffs, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-08
Updated: 2008-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-06 03:42:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosaleendhu/pseuds/rosaleendhu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an accident on a mission, Yohji has to look to Schwarz to get what he needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skin Deep

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to rhosyn_du on LJ for the beta

Yohji drifted to awareness in the sluggish, familiar way that meant he would probably be far happier to stay unconscious. He couldn't remember any particular event that would justify being drugged, but that was familiar in its own way.

Eventually, he cracked an eye open. He was in the Koneko, most likely his own bed. That was good, even if whatever he was doped up with left him unable to focus his eyes properly.

The splash of red told him he wasn't alone. It was a good thing it was Aya. He wouldn't be able to make out Omi or Ken in this dim lighting. And thinking of them... "Omi? Ken?" Or that's what he meant to ask. Even through the drugs, Yohji was mildly astonished at how fried his voice sounded.

"They're fine. Only you got hit. Go back to sleep."

Yohji could follow good advice when it suited him. With no other concerns, he closed his eyes and let awareness drift back away.

~~~~~

The next time Yohji woke it was to the level of light that meant it was noon, but his curtains were drawn. Yohji loved his curtains. The light wasn't what woke him. The vague feeling that his leg was injured was also not what woke him. Yohji's eyes drifted around the room until he saw Omi holding a tray and talking softly to Aya.

Aya noticed him first, but Omi noticed where Aya's gaze was. "Oh, um, good morning, Yohji-kun. I'll, um, I have to get back to the shop." Omi thrust the tray into Aya's hands and fled. Or that's what it looked like. Yohji wasn't sure what he was on, but hallucinogens were a distinct possibility now.

Yohji opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but remembered the way his voice sounded before. He brought his hand up to his neck and could feel the heat of the swelling. He frowned and gestured at Aya in the limited hand signs they used on missions.. _Status, me?_

"You remember the mission?" Aya paused so that Yohji could dredge up the right thoughts.

Yes, there had been a mission last night. Or the last time Yohji had been conscious, whenever that was. A lab. They'd been almost done, and Ken had bumped something that had broken near Yohji. And then all Yohji could remember was pain. _Partial._

"You got splashed by something. You started screaming and flailing. Bombay tranq'ed you. That's the pain in your leg. Do you hurt anywhere else?"

Yohji cautiously shifted. Something was wrong, but there wasn't any pain. _Negative. Drugs?_

"If you can feel the dart wound, you'd feel anything else." Aya handed Yohji some tea. "We don't know exactly what happened. Omi's working on the lab records, and Kritiker is working on the substance that hit you."

Yohji shifted so that he could drink. Something about his torso felt wrong, wobbly. He decided not to look just yet. The tea felt like heaven against his throat. _Fatal?_

"It… doesn't seem to be. The doctors released you when you seemed stable. You will tell us if you notice any change in your condition."

Yohji grimaced. _Status unknown._

"Check it now." Aya's face was unreadable, but that was nothing new.

Yohji tossed back the last of the tea and looked down, surprised to see that he was wearing a shirt. That was unusual, unless they didn't want to bother undressing him after the hospital? But he was misshapen under it. What the hell? Had his nipples turned into tentacles or something? No, but his pecs had gone… soft? Yohji lifted his shirt, not noticing that Aya suddenly looked away. Wait a minute. Yohji knew what those shapes were. Those shapes did not belong on his body.

With a growing sense of horror, Yohji lifted the sheets. He was wearing boxers, but…. Yohji closed his eyes, swallowed hard, and slid his hand down inside. It. Wasn't. There. "Oh, god." Then he passed out.

~~~~~

  
Over the next few days, Yohji hid in his room as much as possible. The change had left him horribly weak, and his injured leg kept him from wanting to walk around much. Common sense kept him out of the flower shop

Yohji was bored out of his mind and growing more depressed each day. Since Omi was busy and Ken was feeling guilty, only Aya was able to talk to him more than a few moments, and Aya wasn't exactly a brilliant conversationalist. He was a surprisingly good listener though.

Yohji glared at the mirror as if that alone could make his body change back. "Damn it, Aya. How can you put up with me for so long? I've been cooped up for so long that I can barely stand myself."

"How's the leg?"

"Good enough. I mean, I can stand, walk. Dancing would be unpleasant, but I haven't got a thing to wear."

Aya's frown deepened. "You have enough clothing for a small slutty army."

"Fashionable. Not slutty, and I do, but it's male only."

Aya raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"…" Yohji squirmed. "It doesn't fit. I have _hips_ now."

Aya's eyes crinkled very slightly with amusement.

"Laugh it up. Damn it, I don't even see me in the mirror now. My face changed." Yohji was really quite offended by that. Those bastards in the lab should have died far more painfully than they had. "Aya, what about you? What do you see when you look at me?"

Aya's amusement vanished as if it had never existed. Maybe it hadn't, but Yohji liked to think he could make Aya react to things. "Honestly?"

"Yeah. It's not like you're in the habit of telling little white lies."

"I see a victim." The shock of the words was enough to leave Yohji gaping.

And then the anger hit. "Get out. Get out now." Yohji could feel tears pricking at the corner of his eyes even though all he felt was pure rage.

Aya left the room without another word.

~~~~~

As soon as Yohji was calm enough to remember where his keys were, he left. Shopping should have come first, but Manx had dropped off some clothes for him. Yohji had no idea how Manx had gotten his measurements, and for once he had no curiosity about a mystery. All that mattered was that he could skip the shopping and go straight to the drinking.

The bar he went to was a dive, but the beer was cheap. He hadn't been back to it since before joining Weiss, and he'd half-expected that the place would have been shut down in the intervening years. He got a few double takes from the people inside, but that could have been as much for being a chick in a shithole bar as for looking like himself. They didn't matter. What mattered was that as soon as the bartender saw that his money was good, the beer came in a steady flow.

Yohji was just getting to that perfect place where he couldn't really think, but he wasn't passing out or sick, when trouble showed up.

Even if he wasn't really seeing clearly, Yohji would recognize that wild mop of orange-red hair anywhere. After what could pass for a moment of consideration in a more sober man, Yohji decided he was way too drunk to care. If the Schwarz bastard decided to kill him, there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Hell, with his dick gone, Yohji wasn't sure he _wanted_ to do anything about it.

That was a brilliant solution, actually. Yohji could die, and later, his sober teammates could kill Mastermind. This drunk, Yohji certainly couldn't be expected to win a fight. It was beautiful. It was elegant. It was…

"Not gonna happen, Kudoh."

Yohji looked up to discover that Schuldig was right next to the booth. How did he get there without Yohji noticing him? Was he using his freaky mind powers? Yohji blinked a few times.

"No, idiot. You're just that drunk."

"If being drunk was a super power, I'd be the best in the world." He could have a cape and everything. Or would he have to wear one of those little skirts now? The pleated ones were kinda cute. Were super heroes allowed to wear leopard print?

"Could you stop fantasizing about being Drunk Girl long enough to move over?"

"Why?" Yohji was instantly suspicious of whatever nefarious Schwarz plot was brewing.

Schuldig rolled his eyes. "So that I can sit down next to you. Your head is better than the TV right now. Move."

Yohji moved. As Schuldig sat down, Yohji wondered what the hell had prompted him to do that.

"You're just that desperate for decent company."

Remembering his teammates' recent behavior, Yohji sighed. "You're probably right."

"Of course, I am. Except that I made you move. How blitzed are you?"

"Not drunk enough, 'f I can tell you're still here."

This only made Schuldig laugh. It was a surprisingly nice laugh for a psycho bastard, but still a little malicious. Or maybe it was just nasal. Yohji was rather jealous of whoever had managed to break the bastard's nose. Wait, that wasn't the point. The point was that Schuldig didn't actually laugh like a supervillian when he was off the clock.

Wait… "Are you working right now?"

Schuldig snorted. "No. I don't get to drink on the job."

Yohji gave a knowing look to Schuldig's mug. "Could be apple juice."

"Like this dive would sell mixers straight up. They have beer, cheap beer and incredibly cheap, watered-down hard liquor." Schuldig rolled his eyes. He was getting a lot of practice at that. Could someone sprain an eyeball if they rolled it too much?

"Could be part of your neffart- neffff- evil plot." Yohji nodded sagely.

There was that eyeroll again. Maybe that was another one of Schuldig's power. "What the hell kind of _nefarious_ plot would involve getting your skinny ass drunk?"

"It's not a skinny ass! It's a perfectly good ass. Not too bony or anything. And hell if I know. The hero never knows until he wakes up chained to a dungeon wall and gets monologued at by the villain." Yohji stared morosely at the bottom of his mug. "This one's broken."

Schuldig waved at the bartender for another drink. "Do you _want_ to wake up chained to my wall?"

"No! You're evil. Kudoh Yohji only gets chained to walls for kinky purposes, damn it!"

Schuldig choked on his beer. Ha! Take that, evil bastard! Yohji took a swig of his own drink in victory. Eventually Schuldig caught his breath enough to ask, "I better pass then. You're far too drunk for kinky anything."

Despite the fact that Yohji knew that he probably was, in fact, far too drunk to do much of anything, he decided he was being challenged. "Am not! Not that you would do anything kinky with me, since you don't like my ass." He sulkily took another gulp of his beer and failed to wonder why no one in the bar was taking any notice of his loud declarations.

"I haven't seen your ass, Kudoh. You've been sitting down the whole time I've been here. You're just way too drunk, and I'm not into unconscious bodies."

"'M not that drunk. I'm still awake!"

"Kudoh." Schuldig was giving Yohji the I-know-better-than-you look. Yohji _hated_ that look. "How much have you had to drink?"

Yohji couldn't count the glasses on the table since he was pretty sure the bartender had taken some of the empties, plus Schuldig had empties of his own. "Umm… lots, but not enough yet. I c'n still remember I don't have a dick."

Schuldig blinked a few times in confusion. Yohji took another victory swig. "Why would you protest a lack of sexual interest when you're trying to forget that you don't have a dick?"

Yohji looked at Schuldig mournfully. "Because it means I'm not hot anymore. And if you thought I was hot, I could totally turn you down because you're an evil bastard, and that would be _awesome_."

Schuldig gave him a very odd look. Or maybe he was checking Yohji out. Or maybe one Schuldig was confused and the other wasn't. Yohji gave his head a shake. The world didn't need to have two of them. "…and not because I'm a guy?"

"Nah." Yohji tried to wave his hand, but the table came up at him, so he changed his mind and tried to hold the table down. Good table! "'M way too drunk to care about that. Might not even care sober if you weren't an evil bastard. But you are. So you can't have me."

"Fortunately, I don't want you."

"Damn it! You suck at this! Or I do! That's totally where you're supposed to tell me I'm pretty. I've gotten slapped for missing that cue." In fact, slapping Schuldig seemed like a great idea, since Yohji hated him! Yohji hauled back. And back… And… Oh, hi there, ceiling. And floor.

Schuldig hauled Yohji back up with an expression that clearly expressed his doubts as to the value of such an effort. "_Now_ you're being a girl, Kudoh. In the worst way possible. Yes, you're stunningly sexy and gorgeous. You're also so drunk you can barely sit up, so I'm not making any offers. I am not suffering through drunken groping for the sake of your ego."

Sober, Yohji would have appreciated the sentiment. He probably would have agreed with it. Drunk, he heard Schuldig doubting his highly prized skills in the bedroom. "My groping does not cause suffering!" To prove his point, Yohji leaned forward and bestowed a very drunken, but very thorough, kiss on Schuldig. As he pulled away, he paused on the verge of insisting that his talents shouldn't be insulted any more and realized what he had just done. Yohji lurched backwards. "Oh god."

Schuldig's initial reaction was lost in more eye rolling. "Before you ask, that was all you, Kudoh."

From his vantage point on the floor, Yohji stared up at Schuldig in horror. "Oh god, oh god, I'm gonna be sick." He scrambled for the bathroom as best he could, the sound of Schuldig's laughter ringing in his ears.

Yohji mercifully lost consciousness before he had to process which bathroom he had fled to.

~~~~~

Yohji woke up to the desperate need to pee and the second worst hangover of his existence. He was rather surprised to find himself in his own bed, but at least it meant that he knew where to find the bathroom, the aspirin and the water to wash it down with. Important needs taken care of, Yohji collapsed back into bed to long for either oblivion or for the aspirin to do something useful. He could figure out what parts of his memories from the night before were real when he wasn't wishing for someone to cut his head off to stop the pain.

Eventually the aspirin worked enough for Yohji to drift back asleep, but his dreams were anything but restful. Aside from the disturbing image of a very smug Schuldig constantly wandering through scenes, the dreams were just plain weird. Like the one where Yohji had to catch liquor-filled chocolates with the sports bra he was wearing. Then the chocolates melted, and there were nice hot women to lick his breasts clean, but the women kept turning into Schuldig.

Yohji woke up horny in places he hadn't ever felt it before. He should have had a raging hard-on, but no. Instead there was a persistent ache in a place between his legs that should have just been a nice transition between his cock and ass. Well, that was just going to get ignored. Yohji rolled over, snuggled into the blankets and suddenly discovered that the need between his legs had somehow transferred up into his breasts. Sort of. It was like an echo, like he had one main cock and two auxiliary ones. And just as soon as Yohji was willing to get out of bed, the really weird hentai in his video collection was _so_ getting chucked out the window.

Yohji tried rolling to his other side in the hopes that the weird need in his breasts wouldn't follow him.

It didn't work, and his breasts seemed to like the cloth sliding over them. Yohji sighed and wriggled out of what remained of his clothing. It seemed that this new form was just as persistent about morning hard-ons, er, horniness as his proper one. Yohji looked down at himself and his courage almost failed. He loved women. He really did. He just didn't know of he could deal with being one. On the other hand, his hardened nipples were practically staring at him in silent challenge.

Yohji tentatively slid his fingertips in a circle around a nipple and shivered. That was… really quite nice. Nicer than it was as a guy. Curiosity and lust were definitely winning in Yohji's mind. Fine then. Yohji would just have to figure out how this particular set of breasts--that just happened to be attached to him--preferred to be handled. Light touches made him shivery. Firmer ones felt like there was a line from his breasts to spaces between his legs that he wanted to ignore. Pinching was far more interesting with a lighter touch. Anything involving his tongue and teeth was right out because Yohji was not that flexible. Probably. He was definitely not up for it mentally.

Eventually Yohji realized that he was starting to shift his hips in response to what he was doing to his breasts. He knew that sign. It was the sign that the foreplay needed to move south. Yohji's courage wavered again as he couldn't quite look down to the space where his dick used to be, but he was incredibly horny. Yohji took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling as he carefully slid his hand downward. He absently noted that his abs were still quite well toned and made a mental note to see about keeping them that way.

There was the hair. Thank goodness he was Japanese so that he didn't have to worry too much about trimming it or anything. Aside from the hygiene issues, it just ruined the mood to have a chick choke on crotch hair in the middle of a blowjob. Yohji couldn't detect any difference in the hair itself, and he was starting to feel like he was taunting himself by hesitating to go any further.

He could do this. He _had_ to do this if he didn't want to die of sexual frustration. Oh, holy shit. Yohji had no idea that vaginal lips were that incredibly sensitive. He gently stroked up and down as he tried to gauge how his body wanted to be touched aside from some vague urge for everything-now-now-now. He was also very wet. That was… something. Would his cock have been leaking pre-come if he'd been this horny as a guy? Hell, he doubted his cock would have been this neglected if he'd been this horny. Yohji stroked a little harder and bit back a moan. The last thing he needed was someone bursting into his room just because they didn't recognize the sounds of feminine pleasure. They really needed to get laid.

Yohji kept exploring the folds of his new anatomy, spreading the moisture around, and entertained a little fantasy about helping his teammates get laid. His body rather liked the idea of any of them fucking him hard and fast (even if his idea of what that would feel like was based on his limited experiences with anal), and any of the three others would be beautiful, but he'd have to live with them after. Yohji's needy girl bits would just have to accept that there would be no orgy.

Yohji's fingers seemed to know what to do without too much help from Yohji's brain. After all, he had done this before, sort of. It was just that before these parts had been attached to someone else. Yohji paused as he felt a bit of flesh where he hadn't before. What the hell was that? He knew what girl anatomy was supposed to be like and there should be a nice wide openi- Oh. Yohji froze in shock.

Not only was he stuck in a goddamned female body, he was a virgin.

He was a horny virgin, and the aching hunger wanted him to touch himself on the other side of that barrier. That… wasn't going to happen. Yohji had always had one rule besides the over 18 thing, and that was no virgins, at least not female ones. That shit meant stuff to girls. He'd also heard that it hurt, so there was no way in hell he was going to pop his own cherry.

Fortunately, his body had other spots that were demanding attention, such as the clit. Yohji's previous explorations of female bodies made him quite familiar with how to find one, but completely unprepared for how intensely it felt things. Holy shit! How did women manage to do anything besides masturbate? Wow. Yohji wanted some more of that.

Sure that he was on the right track, Yohji focused most of his attention on that small area and rubbed. And rubbed. And made sure there was enough moisture. And, damn it, it was so not this difficult if he was doing it to someone else. Yohji knew that part of the problem was his muscle memory. This was supposed to be _his_ orgasm, so his arm kept trying to move in an entirely different way than how it needed to. Sheer stubbornness made Yohji keep trying, and the feelings did keep building, but... it was more like hitting a speed bump than an explosion of pleasure.

Yohji collapsed back in his tangled sweaty sheets and decided that he had been completely cheated. Not only was he stuck in a female body, but it was defective. That was the most pathetic orgasm he'd ever had in his life. He was sure he'd come because his body wasn't demanding anything else, but this was the worst week of his life ever.

Wait. Had Yohji really ended up drinking with Schuldig yesterday? And _kissing_ him? And then... Yohji had a vague memory of the nastiest bathroom floor he'd ever had the misfortune to kneel on, and then nothing until he woke up in his own bed. And clearly still a virgin, not to mention alive. The sober morning after facts did not match the drunken memory facts at all.

Yohji flung his arm over his eyes in despair. This would be so much easier if Schuldig hadn't been a hallucination and had just killed him. This would also be easier if Yohji didn't now have the distinctive smell of woman on his fingers. Screw it. It was shower time, and if Yohji were really lucky, he'd slip and break his neck.

~~~~

Over the course of the day, Yohji found out that someone had gotten his passed out ass back to the flower shop and into the arms of Omi, who had been up studying. Omi couldn't really describe the gentleman who had helped Yohji, except that he did use the word gentleman. Yohji decided not to push because he suspected that Omi would get upset over the matter. Instead he just thanked Omi for getting him into his bed and out of his shoes.

Yohji also found a note on his floor. It probably fell out of his pocket or bra or something. "You've got a great ass after all. Call me. S." There was a phone number, but nothing else. Well, that clinched it. Schuldig had been there, and he'd probably been involved in getting Yohji back to his safe warm bed. His wallet seemed to be a few bills lighter than he remembered, but between the drinking and the probable need for a taxi, Yohji could tell he hadn't been robbed, or worse. That bar really had been a shithole.

That left Yohji wondering what the hell Schuldig was playing at. Yohji sprawled across his bed and smoked as the evening gloom spread through his room. Schuldig could have easily killed him yesterday. Same for kidnapping. Schuldig obviously knew where the shop was, and from what little Yohji knew about the situation, Schwarz probably knew more about the inner workings of Kritiker than Weiss did, with the possible exception of Omi. Therefore, Schuldig's game was nothing obvious.

On the other hand, Schuldig might be trying to set Yohji up as a way to divide Weiss. That certainly fit with what he knew of Schuldig's behavior. Hell, if Schuldig had had a camera with him last night, he already had blackmail material.

This was too big for Yohji to deal with alone. He ground his cigarette out as he headed for his door. He needed to talk this one out. Omi hated Schwarz, and especially Schuldig, a little too much for Yohji to go to him first, and Ken... Ken was still fleeing from Yohji every chance he got. Yohji was about ready to snap that boobs weren't a communicable disease, but for all he knew they were in this case. That left Aya.

Yohji briefly considered going to Omi after all, but… Aya had been oddly supportive through this whole mess. And if Aya blew up about it, then Yohji would end up telling Omi anyway, and then see about getting transferred out of the country or something.

Yohji knocked on Aya's door.

Aya opened the door after a few moments, looking slightly surprised to see Yohji there. Belatedly, Yohji remembered how their last conversation had ended. That could make things even more awkward. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." Aya stepped back and let Yohji enter. Aya's room was sparse, but he was inclined to good manners in his quiet way, so he slowed enough that Yohji could pick to sit in the single chair or on the bed. Yohji did neither, needing to fidget.

"What do you think of Schwarz? Honestly, not the company line on them."

Aya frowned at the unexpected direction of the conversation. "Efficient. Deadly. Ruthless. They've also never seriously injured any of us, and I'm coming to believe that it is their choice, not our skill, that has let us survive encounters with them. They've manipulated us into helping them with several schemes, but I don't know what was planned and what they turned to their advantage after the fact. Given the opportunity, I would not hesitate to kill most of the team."

Yohji frowned. "Most?"

"The youngest has not directly acted against us in the same manner as the rest of the team and seems relatively sane."

"Schuldig?"

"He kidnapped my sister," Aya said flatly.

Yohji flopped across Aya's bed, ignoring the look he got for it. "What if he hadn't?" he asked whimsically.

"Kudoh, what are you getting at?" Aya looked irritated.

"I don't know. At the risk of sounding like a girl, I'm trying to figure out his intentions." Aya's ceiling was _fascinating_.

"You encountered him recently?"

"Last night. He taunted me and bought me drinks. And I'm almost positive he make sure I got back here all right."

Aya frowned. "Almost positive?"

Yohji shrugs. "I drank a lot. Did you know it's not possible to outrun your own body parts?"

Aya snorted, but still looked concerned. "He didn't do anything to you?"

"Nope. I was expecting it, but…." Yohji frowned and fixed his gaze on the ceiling more firmly. "Hell, I asked for it and he didn't do anything."

"You asked him to kill you." Aya's voice was even flatter than normal.

"No. Mind you, I was _really_ drunk, but I think I tried to seduce him."

"You try to seduce a lot of things when you're really drunk, Kudoh."

"What?!" Yohji sat up and stared at Aya.

"You've flirted with all of us and half the furniture. So I can't say I'm surprised that you flirted with Schuldig. Disgusted, but not surprised."

"Is that why Ken keeps fleeing me now?" Yohji didn't remember coming onto Ken ever, though he'd entertained some fascinating thoughts on the subject.

"No. He just feels guilty for knocking whatever it was on you."

"Oh. That makes sense." Yohji was trying to avoid thinking about that. "So, about Schuldig, what should I do?"

"Do you think it was more than a fluke that you ran into him?"

"…maybe? But he seemed very amused, and I doubt that will be the end of it. And he gave me his phone number. Or a phone number."

Aya looked upward to ask some higher power for patience. "What do you want to do?"

"Not be used in a twisted plot to destroy the team. And to get laid, not necessarily by him. Why aren't you freaking out over this?"

"We already killed the people who made the formula, and I'd rather not kill Ken. Nothing else can really make this any odder or upsetting for me. I'd still appreciate it if you could tell me that Schuldig is not your top choice for a way to get laid."

"Um, yeah, I'm working on that still."

"Explain."

"You guys are all out. Omi's got more than enough to deal with, Ken can't deal with me for something as simple as passing the salt, and you... Okay, I really considered that, but the victim comment doesn't do it for me, and I'm thinking it would be a major stumbling block for you."

Aya nodded and waited for Yohji to continue.

"Okay, so there's the clubs and stuff. There's plenty of guys there who would go for a one-night stand, but the sort that I would prefer to ask would have a problem with me."

Aya raised an eyebrow.

"The guys who play the game, but are relatively decent human beings, generally won't touch virgins."

Aya's other eyebrow went up. "How do you qualify as a virgin, Kudoh?"

"I- Just, I do. By their standards, I do." Yohji was not going to say the H-word unless he absolutely had to.

"So you think that having a relationship with Schuldig is a good idea?"

"Oh, hell no. It's a horrible idea. I kind of want to do it anyway. And a one-night stand isn't a relationship."

"So why talk to me at all?"

"Ummm… so that when blackmail photos surface, you can hold Omi and Ken back long enough for me to run?"

"Kudoh," Aya growled slightly.

"I don't know! I could always go find a hot lesbian. I've always thought that Manx swung that way, but it feels right to think about finding a guy! And I don't want a pity fuck from you just for the sake of stopping me!"

Aya shook his head. "Kudoh, I wouldn't do that. If you were a guy, maybe, but not with how you are now."

Yohji blinked. "What?"

"I'm gay."

"Oh. That really explains a lot. Poor Sakura." A small corner of Yohji's mind was peeved that Aya now found him less hot, but he was sober enough to ignore it. Besides, Aya would definitely hit a woman.

"Because it would be so healthy for me to have a relationship with a girl who's almost a mirror image of my sister?"

"Ew. Good point. Also, I wasn't thinking a relationship so much as a one-night stand of hot-buttered luvin'. Relationships don't really work in our line of work."

"And what will you tell Omi if this comes up?"

"I... have no idea. I thought I could start with 'Please don't kill me,' and go from there."

Aya just _looked_ at him. "You're trying to seduce information out of the enemy. You realize that if you're stuck this way, Kritiker will eventually ask you to do it anyway, and the opportunity was too good to pass up."

"Yeah, or that. Hey, how come he gets to be Omi, but you're calling me Kudoh?"

"Because Omi's not being an idiot right now. Now get out of my room."

"Right, great, okay, thanks, Aya."

~~~~~

Yohji dialed that number 5 times over the next week, but hung up before anyone could answer each time. He lost track of how many times he didn't even finish the number before dropping the phone. He probably would have done so even more often if he hadn't been kept busy with rounds of training and testing. Yohji couldn't even bitch about it all that much since most if it was to get him changed back.

At the end of the week, Yohji got a day off. He wasn't so sure that the scientists were taking a day off, but he was going to go mad if he didn't get some time to himself soon. During the rounds of appointments, he barely even got time for cigarettes.

Shopping was an experience, but since his boobs didn't seem to be wearing off, there wasn't anything Yohji could do much buy them some proper support. And then he needed clothing to match his new undergarments. Yohji knew that his cobbled together outfits from his old things and random donations from Kritiker were affecting his mood. He looked horrible in most of what he ended up wearing, and it just made him feel even less like himself than before.

Buying makeup was interesting, and Yohji acquired a deep sympathy for women. It was really no wonder that they spent so much time thinking about it when the different brands were so, well, different. At least his artistic tendencies made navigating the color options easier. He would need a hair appointment soon, but he could manage for now without.

By the time the sun was setting, Yohji was feeling pretty damn good about how he looked, even if he looked like a woman. The leopard-print faux corset helped with that, as did the properly fitting shoes. They weren't leopard print, since the last thing Yohji needed was tall spiked heels adding so much to his height, but they worked with his clothes in ways that his old shoes didn't. The denim skirt felt a bit odd, but the looks Yohji got in the street told him that he looked fine.

Yohji picked a nicer bar to go drinking in. This one had a small dance floor that was lightly used some nights, and a decent music mix. It still wasn't one of his regular crawls, but it was step up, and the bartender would call a taxi if he got thoroughly sloshed again.

Yohji was on his second beer when Schuldig walked in, which meant that he really wasn't drunk at all. It also meant that Schuldig was tracking him somehow.

Schuldig greeted him with an annoyed look. "What are you, twelve?"

Yohji shrugged. "I was too sober to dial it right."

"And too drunk to be much fun now, I suppose." Schuldig slid into the booth next to Yohji anyway.

"I've only had two. That's barely a buzz."

"You sure about that? For your old body maybe, but now?"

"I could give you the long explanation of medical jargon I got earlier, but yeah, pretty much positive." And the only reason Yohji hadn't punched in the face of the person who decided to test his drug tolerance without telling him what was going on was because, well, he'd been pretty well drugged.

"Your bosses suck." Schuldig stretched out his legs and settled more comfortably. "So what's the plan, Kudoh? Do I get to watch you get plastered from the start?"

"Maybe. Depends on if you want to help me with a problem."

"I don't work for free, and I don't know how to regrow your dick."

"But we could make use of yours. I've been annoyingly horny all week."

Schuldig shrugged though there was a glimmer of interest in his eyes. "So go masturbate."

"Been there, did that, got the carpal tunnel." Yohji deliberately thought of that annoying H-word thing he'd been not thinking about all week.

Schuldig's jaw dropped. "No shit! Really?"

"Yes." Yohji really couldn't keep his annoyance out of his voice.

"You seriously want me to pop your cherry." Schuldig stared at him.

"Sure. I don't have to explain the whole goddamn mess to you, not that I could explain it to most people anyway, and I doubt you'd get a complex because of it."

"What do I get out of it?"

"You get, as you so eloquently put it, my cherry. And hopefully some damn good sex. Hopefully I'll get that too. I have been going on the theory that you fuck people as well as you fuck with them. I'd hate to be wrong about that."

"Where?" Schuldig settled into working out the details.

"Dunno. Hotel, I guess. You can pick one. I'll pay for it. Don't go all 5 star and shit, 'cause I don't really get paid that well."

"And after?"

"Depends on if the hotel charges by the hour or the night."

"That's not what I meant, Kudoh."

Yohji shrugged. "Hell if I know. I'm asking you to fuck, not to go to the prom or some shit. You aren't being a chick about this, are you?"

"You mean with undying affection? No. I just want to be sure you aren't either."

Yohji glared at Schuldig. "I didn't turn into one of the idiot girls around the shop. We meet in the field, I try to kill you and you laugh and don't bother with the effort it will take to kill us."

"So you did notice that." Schuldig smirked.

"Yeah. It was obvious once I thought about it." Yohji realized he was slowly leaning towards Schuldig, and there was very little distance between them now. Figuring that the important parts of the conversation had been settled, Yohji closed the last gap to press his lips to Schuldig's. Sober, this kiss was just as achingly needy and thorough as that first kiss, but Yohji was able to appreciate it so much more. Yohji ended up with an arm around Schuldig's shoulders, and Schuldig's hand ended up in Yohji's hair.

When they finally broke apart, Schuldig gave Yohji a searching look. "You aren't going to whine about how I tricked you later, are you?"

"Only if it's to save my ass with my team."

"Great. Let's go."

Yohji tossed a few bills on the table as a tip for the waitress and followed Schuldig to the door. He recognized this feeling. It was the doing something stupid, but really fun feeling. It was a comforting feeling, since he almost always came out of things that made him feel this way on top. The idiotic grin on his face made more than one person think he was in love.

Outside, Schuldig paused. "Condoms?"

"In my purse." And wasn't that just a disturbing phrase for Yohji to say? True though.

Schuldig nodded and hailed a taxi.

They made out in the backseat, and Schuldig's hands stayed in PG zones, much to Yohji's frustration. On the other hand, the backseat really wasn't big enough for anything serious. Hell, it was barely big enough for Yohji's legs.

Yohji recognized the hotel that the taxi stopped at. He'd been there, and it was fairly nice, but nothing he'd use if he wanted to really impress a girl.

"That taxi driver thinks I'm a tourist who picked up a hooker."

"I am not dressed like a hooker," Yohji grumbled.

"I know, but he really didn't know what to make of your top."

"What's wrong with my top?"

"Nothing. It'll look great on the floor. Now hurry up and get the room."

Yohji hurried up and got the room. After all, he wasn't in this for the banter. And what kind of fashion sense could he expect from someone who always wore a yellow bandana?

They made out in the elevator on the way up to the room since they somehow had the car all to themselves. If Schuldig was using telepathy, it was one of the best uses for it ever as far as Yohji was concerned. As long as they were doing something, Yohji couldn't start thinking.

The room was at the far end of the hall, and that did give Yohji time to wonder if he was really doing something smart. He also had a moment of doubt about that talk he'd had with Aya a week ago. Would Aya have told? Would Kritiker use Yohji as bait if he had?

"Stop thinking so hard, Kudoh. I think I see smoke coming out your ears." Schuldig opened the door and pulled Yohji inside.

"Excuse me for not thinking it's a turn on to have Kritiker agents busting in while I'm getting laid."

"Not that much of an exhibitionist?" Schuldig smirked.

"Nah. Just not liking the idea that you might get killed before I can get off."

"Charming." Schuldig reached over and squeezed Yohji's breast. "It gets me right here. In the heart."

"Heart's on the other side, asshole." Oh, but Yohji's breast liked the attention. Not one to be passive, Yohji slid his hands over Schuldig's chest. Through the shirt, he could feel a nice layer of muscle. Good. He slid his hands around and down to do a reconnaissance of Schuldig's ass as well. Oh, that was nice. Using that as a place to hold out, and moaning softly at how Schuldig's mouth felt at his neck, Yohji pulled them towards the bed.

They fell onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, and Yohji enjoyed the feeling with slightly different parts of his body than usual. He kicked off his shoes and started working at the buttons of Schuldig's shirt.

"Someone's in a hurry." Schuldig was smirking again.

"I always rip the wrapping paper on presents, too." Yohji decided to try kissing Schuldig to see if that shut him up. A foreign bit of laughter rippled through Yohji's mind, but there wasn't a voice, so Yohji considered it a victory. Schuldig's hands slid along the edge of his top, teasingly dipping inside as he explored what he could.

"Okay, I give. How do I get this off you?"

"Zipper on the left side."

"Stupid design."

"I wasn't counting on getting laid toni- Oh!"

Schuldig really could move quickly when he wanted, and his mouth over Yohji's nipple shocked the banter right out of his head. This was SO much better when someone else was touching the breasts. Yohji instinctively placed a hand on Schuldig's head to encourage him to do that more. Yohji moaned when Schuldig started massaging the other breast with his hand.

When Schuldig started to move back up to nip at Yohji's neck, Yohji flipped them so that he was on top and could return the favor. He sucked hard enough to leave little love marks as he loosened Schuldig's belt and unzipped his pants. He hadn't realized how high the skirt had slid up until he felt Schuldig's hands on his thighs. He quivered in shock over how much that light touch fed into his need. Apparently his vagina was starving for man meat.

Schuldig busted up laughing. Yohji pouted at him, mostly because the touching stopped. "Your internal monologue is like a bad romance novel!"

Yohji sulked. "It's not my fault I can still think."

Schuldig kept laughing, so Yohji did the only reasonable thing he could think of. He tried tickling Schuldig. And it worked. Schuldig writhed and twisted, and suddenly Yohji found himself on his back with his hands pinned over his head, and his cheekbone was aching. He thought he'd managed to whack it against Schuldig's head, but it all happened too fast. Staring up, Yohji wasn't sure if he was feeling a thrill of fear or arousal at the position. He spoke softly by Yohji's ear. "Maybe I should tie you up and just explore your body, I could drive you mad with need, and you wouldn't be able to do anything but beg me for release."

Yohji was suddenly aware of the dampness in his panties, and how different it felt from a straining erection. He licked his lips to give his voice time to decide to work. "It wouldn't give me much of a chance to prove my skill."

Schuldig's free hand worked at the button and zipper of the skirt. "What if I know how good you are? What if I've ridden along in the minds of your other lovers and already know how you can touch, and lick, and stroke over skin?" Schuldig licked the side of Yohji's neck.

That was really kinky, but… "You didn't. You would have found away to get a taste of the Great Kudoh Love Machine much sooner if you knew how good I am."

"Mmmm, and modest, too. Keep your hands up there, Kudoh. I don't want my hair yanked out."

Curious and willing to play along, Yohji turned his hands in Schuldig's loosening grip to hold onto the pillow. Schuldig made short work of getting the top out of the way, and removing Yohji's skirt. The look he gave Yohji was one of pure lust. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a tall woman in Japan?" He traced a spiraling line up Yohji's leg.

"You're a leg man?" Yohji squirmed, but kept his hands firmly above his head.

"Sometimes. I get cravings for things, but I can be fickle about bodies as long as they're attached to interesting minds." Schuldig traced a twisting path back down towards Yohji's knee. "Don't be so impatient. Foreplay is more important to your body than it used to be."

"I've had an entire fucking week of foreplay." Yohji was vaguely aware that he was spreading his legs to invite more contact.

"Maybe, but do you really want friction burns in your vagina?"

"At least there would be something in it then!"

"You're cute when you're frustrated. I'm going to have to annoy you more often." Schuldig stroked the silk of Yohji's thong so lightly Yohji almost didn't feel it. "I do like the green."

"Seriously. Vagina. Now." Yohji squirmed purely from the want generated by his own body.

"No." Schuldig stroked one finger more firmly and Yohji made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a moan. "There's so much more to female anatomy than that. Normally you act like you're aware of it."

Yohji held back his smart-ass comment only because Schuldig was starting to peel down his underwear. He was aware that Schuldig still had pants on, so this wasn't headed straight to fucking, but as long as Schuldig kept touching him, he could probably deal with the delay.

"Really, the vulva has so many more pleasure spots than the vagina. I'm sure you know this." Schuldig's fingers gently teased Yohji's pubic hair, getting closer to the damp curls before drifting away again.

"You just want to make me beg, don't you?"

"Maybe." Schuldig's wonderfully, clever fingers stroked up and down along the outer lips. "Maybe I want you to shut up."

Yohji stopped talking, but he couldn't keep from panting and making small noises of need, that got much louder when Schuldig bent his head down to lick the same path his fingers had just been tracing. Yohji's fingers dug into the pillow, and the small thinking part of his brain realized that he'd been ordered to keep his hands up there so he wouldn't accidentally pull out Schuldig's hair.

Yohji had gone down on plenty of women before, but for some reason he hadn't realized just how pleasurable it was to be on the receiving end. He also hadn't realized how many different nooks and crannies his new anatomy had, but Schuldig's clever tongue was finding all of them. Yohji tried to use his legs to pull Schuldig in closer, vaguely aware that he was humping Schuldig's face, and really not caring in the slightest.

This time, as the familiar and frustrating feeling that he was on the edge of an orgasm started to build, Schuldig worked with it, then backed off slightly. Not even backed off, just focused his attentions on a spot that was good, but not as good. "No, up, damn it! To the left!"

Yohji missed his dick. It didn't require a user's manual to function properly.

Although after Schuldig had the right spot and moved off of it a few more times, Yohji realized that Schuldig was toying with him. And that Schuldig had impressive tongue stamina. Yohji was reduced to moans of pleasure and whines of frustration as Schuldig teased him closer each time, but kept backing off before Yohji could come.

Yohji's need became an all-consuming thing. He took in the pleasure and wanted more. He was like a black hole of pleasure. He writhed away and pushed closer as it became too much as often as it was not nearly enough. Finally, after he whined Schuldig's name, the teasing ended, and an insanely intense orgasm ripped through his body. Somewhere buried deep in the pleasure, there was a spark of pain, but it was completely insignificant beside his orgasm.

As Yohji lay on the bed, trying to remember how to do little things like breathe, move his arms and think, Schuldig got up and removed the rest of his clothes. Yohji enjoyed the view. Schuldig was lean and mostly made of muscle, something that his clothes normally hid. There were scars here and there. Most of them were thin, faded things, but a few meant that Schuldig had survived something nasty. Yohji suspected that at least two of those bad ones were from the museum collapsing. They all had scars from that.

Schuldig was quite aroused, and Yohji had to admire that penis. It wasn't so big that he was worried about the damage it would do to him, but it wasn't so small that Yohji was wondering if it would be big enough. It was rather similar to what Yohji should have had, really. Yohji shifted onto his side, and leaned his head against his arm. "Did you?" Even after that orgasm, there was a twinge of interest coming from his vagina.

"Yeah. Your little problem is gone."

"Good. Let's see what we can do about your big problem." Yohji tugged Schuldig back onto the bed and shook off the last of his afterglow lethargy. The recovery period on this body was great! Kissing was fun, so Yohji decided to do some of that while his hands roamed over Schuldig's back and hips. Yohji had missed human contact, and he was making up for lost time. Schuldig seemed to be content to let Yohji be aggressive, though his hands spent a lot of time on Yohji's breasts and ass. Yohji really couldn't complain about that. Yohji really couldn't complain when Schuldig's fingers slipped between Yohji's legs and started to gently tease around Yohji's new opening. Vagina. Damn. Yohji was starting to get his brain around the breasts, but having a vagina was still pretty fucked up.

On the other hand, the vagina was demanding man-meat again, and Yohji was feeling pretty good about that idea by now. Yohji slid his hand down to stroke Schuldig's cock as he squirmed against Schuldig's hand. Yes, everyone was ready.

Wait. Crap. "Condom." Yohji scrambled over to his little handbag and dug through it. It barely had anything in it! Why was it so hard to find? There it was! As fast as humanly possible, Yohji was back on the bed, on top of Schuldig and kissing away that amused smirk. His fingers were clumsy from lust and nervousness, but he eventually got the condom open. He slid it onto Schuldig's cock with far more stroking than necessary, enjoying the way Schuldig thrust up into his hands.

In a move that felt almost choreographed, and was probably thanks to Schuldig being a telepath, Schuldig rolled onto his back, and Yohji straddled his hips in a move so smooth it didn't seem real. The tiny part of Yohji's mind that handled self-preservation chose that moment to lodge a protest, but Schuldig gave Yohji a look that was the most perfect combination of challenge and lust as his hands came to rest on Yohji's hips.

Yohji moved slowly, feeling the strain in his thighs as he lowered himself down onto Schuldig's cock. His eyes unfocused as he concentrated on what he was feeling. The pleasure was exquisite, and he still had to think enough to adjust the angle of his hips slightly. When he couldn't lower himself any further, he stared at Schuldig in astonishment. Muscles Yohji didn't even know he had were flexing slightly around Schuldig's cock, and even that felt incredible.

"Move, Kudoh," Schuldig growled.

Move? What? Oh, yes. Yohji moved upward almost as slowly as he had slid down, feeling the loss and not wanting to go so far that he lost the penetration completely. After a few more slow strokes, Schuldig was practically snarling at him. That was seriously hot. On Yohji's next down stroke, he slammed down hard, and nearly forgot to move back up or breathe. He might have just stayed there stunned if Schuldig hadn't taken that as his cue to start thrusting.

Yohji's mind might have been stuttering over the sensations he was feeling, but his body knew what to do, and he met Schuldig thrust for thrust. Annoyed with how his breasts were bouncing, Yohji's hands came up to hold them in place, and from there it was perfectly logical for him to start fondling himself.

Suddenly, Yohji just knew what he looked like impaled on Schuldig's cock, arched in pleasure, face flushed. Yohji looked incredibly sexy, and it only inspired him even more. Then the image was gone, but the lust remained. Yohji shifted his hands slightly to make it more of a show. He was vaguely aware that Schuldig was moving one hand from his hip, but he didn't really care, at least not until he felt a finger working between their bodies to find his clit. Yohji was caught completely off-guard by the orgasm that hit a few moments later, but Schuldig was still fucking him, and Yohji's body was caught up in the motion.

Snarky thoughts about Schuldig's stamina flitted through Yohji's mind, but the thrusting bounced them out before Yohji could actually say anything. He might not have been able to say anything with his breath coming in gasps and moans. Disbelief filtered through Yohji's haze of pleasure as he realized that he was heading towards another orgasm. They were moving so fast that rhythm had abandoned them completely, and Yohji half thought he would go flying off of Schuldig if it wasn't for the hand digging into his hip.

Yohji felt Schuldig stiffening under him, and ground down harder against Schuldig's fingers. This close to an orgasm, he wasn't going to be denied. The feelings that hit Yohji's brain first weren't his own. He was sure of it, but they were still the familiar feelings of an orgasm-by-penis. They might not have been what he needed, but they were certainly enough to shove him into a third orgasm for the evening.

As the tremors of bliss worked their way through Yohji's body, he fell forward onto Schuldig. He could feel Schuldig's cock softening inside him, but he was content to just feel another sated body under his own and breathe. He whimpered slightly when Schuldig's cock slipped out of his sensitized flesh. It was good, bad and too much all at once, which Yohji took as a sign that they'd done something right.

Schuldig made a sound of annoyance and rolled Yohji off of him. When Schuldig got up and started to pull on his clothes, Yohji considered being annoyed as well, but he was still feeling far too content to do anything more than think about possibly, maybe, getting a cigarette in a few minutes when he wanted to move.

"Maybe I'll look you up again once you've gotten a little more practice in."

"Jerk. I was awesome." After three orgasms, Yohji could be benevolent.

Schuldig rolled his eyes. "And just think how much better you'll be once you're used to your body. Anyway, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've only got so much time."

From his manner, Yohji expected that Schuldig was coming back over for a kiss, and he wasn't disappointed. He was, however, completely shocked to have his arms yanked over his head and handcuffed to the bed.

"What the fuck?! You bastard! Let me go!" Anger wiped out any afterglow that Yohji might have wanted to wallow in as he screamed insults at Schuldig. Feeling the familiar sensation of tears forming in his eyes, Yohji got even more angry. Schuldig watched him with yet another smirk and leaned against the wall by the open window in an odd state of partially dressed.

Yohji could hear yelling in the hallway, and he assumed it was some irate guest who didn't like the noise coming from the room, but Schuldig's smirked broadened and then transformed into something crueler. Yohji had the odd feeling he had just witnessed Schuldig slip into mission mode, and then chaos took over.

Schuldig was gloating in a clichéd villain way as Yohji's team burst into the room. Yohji kept yelling, even more furious. He missed what Schuldig said, but it made Ken charge him, and suddenly Schuldig was gone from the room and Yohji was handcuffed to a bed in the presence of his teammates. He'd had fantasies that started like this, but right now he was considering dying of shame instead.

Yohji gave Aya a look that demanded explanation, though he couldn't keep the humiliation off his face. Aya shook his head slightly and glanced at Omi, who was trying to cover Yohji up without looking at him. Yohji yanked at the handcuffs again, ignoring Omi's horrified muttering. Aya picked up a key from the nightstand and freed Yohji's wrists with surprising gentleness. Leaning close he whispered, "Was it all like this?"

Yohji shook his head. "Not until he heard you coming." He raised his voice. "How did you find me?"

Omi answered as he studied the walls. "A Kritiker agent saw Mastermind approach you. It took some time for the message to reach us. I'm sorry, Yohji. We would have gotten here faster if we could have."

Oh. Oh, shit. Yohji finally realized what his team thought had happened. He swallowed hard, and managed to say, "You got here before he could do worse."

It must have been the right thing, because Omi gave him a wobbly smile.

"Um, guys, can I get dressed now?"

"Oh! Right! Ken, let's wait in the hallway." Somehow that left Aya in the room, but it wasn't like Aya cared, being gay and all, right? Or maybe Omi thought that Yohji would find Aya comforting. Omi had a twisty little mind.

Yohji slithered off the bed and tried to figure out where all his clothing had landed. He found his cigarettes first. His hands were shaking, but he managed to light one, and he took a long drag before saying, "Fuck," as if that one word could contain the world and all its wrongs.

Aya watched a point a little bit to the left of Yohji's head. "He set it all up, didn't he?"

Yohji was starting to find bruises as he pulled on his clothes. Damn, that was good sex. He ducked into the bathroom to get a washcloth. "The scene at the end? Yeah. Don't go trying to get vengeance for it or anything."

"Are you going to see him again?"

"Hell if I know. I don't think it will be my choice. Not that way. This way, Kritiker won't be killing me, I suppose." Now where was his top… Ah, under the chair.

"It's a safe bet. You're going to have to figure out how to deal with Omi and Ken."

"Yeah. I know. You still willing to sleep with me if I ever turn back into a guy?"

Aya's lips quirked into a tiny smile. "I won't share you with Schuldig."

"I can live with that. Think they'll wait long enough for me to fix my hair?" Yohji checked the mirror to make sure his clothes were all on straight. He blinked at the bruise on his face. "The hell?"

"Are you sure he didn't…?"

"Yeah. No. Oh, wait, yeah. He's got a really hard head, but my attention was on other things."

"Let's go then, Kudoh."

"Hey, Aya?" Yohji paused with his hand on the doorknob.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think they'll let me go out and get drunk tonight?"


End file.
